someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
