I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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