with your own penis?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
