you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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