A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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