We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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