His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
