so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
