i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
