K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
