I am puke
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
