i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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