Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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