im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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