I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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