I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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