That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
