i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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