I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
