y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My cat gives me a boner
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
