Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
