You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your penis caused this!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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