im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
