you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
