Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
