She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
