Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
