Welp...herpes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
