Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its liver damage thursday
Randomize