Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
