I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
