you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When did angry sex become our thing?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
