i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
