I have demons in me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
