I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
