Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
