How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
