hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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