Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
