Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
