im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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