And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
