something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
