it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
