false alarm. still invincible.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
