Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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