I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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