No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
