He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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