So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
