somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I believe in your delicious
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
