if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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