Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
