no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
