There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
