Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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