Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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