I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
