found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
