neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
