why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
