Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
