Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
