he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
