Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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