I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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