Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
