a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize