If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
