He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
