that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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