We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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