dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
