i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a beard to bite.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
