Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
