I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
