I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
