I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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